Sailing of Kalba near the Omani border

After these photos were taken the winds increased to 30 knots
and both yachts suffered rigging damage trying to get back into harbor.

This is my speed boat, a typical local fishing boat
and a gift from a generous student.

Fujairah - home in the United Arab Emirates

View Larger Map

Daffy at the Movies

Yanky-Doodle Daffy



Stuperduck

500 Soapbox

Got something you want to say? Click on the "Post a Comment" link at the bottom of the main post and feel free to comment here on any topic at all - 500 or otherwise. In the same way feel free to comment on any posts in this blog.

Originally posted by BunY and far too good to expire

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks (Sweden)?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Grumma's Lag Report

I have placed Grumma's Lag Report into the Public Folder:

Craig's Picture Shows

• This one is Brisbane live game.
  
• Mt. Tambourine
• Rockhampton
• Sydney
• Melbourne Game
• Toby Pics
• S.A.A.P. Pictures

Unforced Miseres Must be Won

What is it about misere that is so appealing? Is it because winning misere is akin to legal cheating? Or is it because those who can't fight misere think others can't as well?

When bidding a risky misere bear in mind that a loss is a sizable negative 250 - half the way to the backdoor on the first hand of a game! Avoid negative scores at all cost early in the game. Once there good players wi;; push and bluff you further towards the back door.

You can usually spot new players by the number of unforced miseres they lose. And you can spot experienced players by the number of poor miseres they take down.

Poor players usually assist their opponents to get their misere bids in by calling 7 when a pass would cut their losses by at least 130 points. It's also a good rule of thumb not to push your opponents to open unless you have a good chance of beating them. See "Make Friends With the PASS Button" in my 500 Top 10.

The Major Cause of Lag at JG500

In the middle of a lagging game with Gus six months ago I formed a hypothesis that most lag was the result of client-side problems rather than a server-side problem. I tested the hypothesis rigorously and sure enough most of my lag problems were client-side.

It appears that any interruption of the connection to the 500 server creates a client-side lag. I have done this in 3 different but related ways now:

1. Hibernation of laptop while web-server with 500 site is running
2. Disconnection of the ethernet lead during a game and wait for wireless reconnection
3. Running screen-saver for a few minutes while web-server with 500 site is running

Most instances of these lags were fixed by restarting the web-browser. However some could only be fixed by rebooting the laptop completely.

Here is a summary of the steps I am taking to avoid client-side lags:

1. If your laptop or PC enters sleep/hibernation mode then close down your web-browser and restart it before playing 500. If your game is lagging then reboot your machine.
2. If your laptop or PC's screen-saver starts then close down your web-browser and restart it before playing 500. If your game is lagging then reboot your machine. Reset your screen saver to over 10 minutes.
3. If you experience a break in connection to the 500 game by either an interruption to your Ethernet or wireless connection close down your web-browser and restart it before playing 500. If your game is lagging then reboot your machine. Reset your screen saver to over 10 minutes.

These solutions have worked for many others. The message is - if you have got lag then turn off your sleep mode and close down and restart your web browser.

Toby at play

Expired JG500 Forum Threads

In a misguided attempt to stifle discussion about cheating, inactive threads on the JG500 Forum expire after two months. This has had the opposite effect of encouraging cheating as the offenders know their records are wiped clean every few months. Benno the Cheat has used his official "pardon" several times since he first used Toby's account to award himself a JG500 gong two years ago. Many other cheats are still happily beating unsuspecting newer members safe in the knowledge that JG500 has no official site history anymore.

However, some of the more interesting expired threads, saved as PDF documents, can be read in this public folder:

It's time to step-up and moderate or quit!

Two weeks ago Anders announced the trial of a moderated JG500 Forum with a Forum Code of Conduct. At the same time a new thread was started that immediately breached the new code. Over the course of a week several other members contributed more posts that breached the new code. It was a perfect opportunity for the forum moderators to quietly step-in and ask the offensive posters to self-moderate. This did not happen and the thread has snowballed into yet another JG500 soap opera.

Anders hard at work moderating the JG500 Forum

I have been a JG500 member since February 2005. Throughout these years the site has had a forum focused on abuse and ridicule resulting in most members being too intimidated to contribute other than the occasional WD #1. For my sins I have been an active participant in the ridicule whilst campaigning against the abuse.

Three years ago I suggested to the JG500 administrator that the site needed a a moderated forum and code of conduct that covered both game play and the forum. This suggestion was ignored by the administrator and most of the membership and ridiculed by others. Four months ago I created Let's Talk 500, a moderated forum designed to demonstrate the features and advantages that a moderated forum could offer JG500. At the same time, and independently, Anders canvassed the membership on their thoughts about the need for a moderated forum.

My forum thread about LT500 can be read here. Anders two threads about forum moderation can be read here and here.

A member asked me this week why I thought the JG500 site does not have more active members after more than five years of existence. I replied that it stemmed from an abusive and nasty forum culture coupled with a bad lag that never goes away.

Moderators, it's time to step-up and moderate or quit and give someone who knows how to fairly enforce a code of conduct the opportunity to do the job better. The JG500 forum culture won't heal itself!

Welcome to the Julianne Giffin Forum

The aim of this forum is to disable positive, supportive, healthy debate and interaction. This is best achieved by publicly sharing any and all personal problems in the forum rather than by directly contacting individual members and settling matters privately. A fun experience for everyone can be ensured by freely adding comment on matters of which you have no direct knowledge. Ensure an unfriendly atmosphere for forum members by launching unprovoked personal attacks on self opinionated high and mighty ignoramuses, arrogant numskulls and so so players who come onto the website to relax and play. Personal attacks, offensive content, utter bullshit, defamatory comments and insults will be passively encouraged by poor or non-existent moderation amongst rats, ducks, foxes and other assorted morons.

juliannegiffin.com/500/code_of_conduct.jsp - sort of...

SOCIAL and COMPETITION games - suggested improvement

One improvement I have been thinking about is having the option for members to play either SOCIAL or COMPETITION games, Yahoo Games has this option. This option could go on the new game form that Smith/Anders are working on.

SOCIAL games would be the same as what we have now - no change.

COMPETITION games would only be for rotated members 4somes. The game server would automatically chose and rotate partnerships. If the same 4 members resumed their battle at a later date then the game server would remember and keep the rotation going. A second Competition ELO just for this type of game choice should be created.

To raise more $$$ for the club I would be happy to pay an extra $5/month to qualify for COMPETITION games.

My first games at JG500

My first games at JG500 were with Rat, then named Streamline after a horse that either broke his heart or made his fortune, don't know which. Rat must have beaten me about 50/2 that first day in two-handers. I had no idea what he was doing but, as someone who thought himself to be a fairly good 500 player, I knew I had found a place to improve my game and have some fun. Since then, I have enjoyed 1000s of games with him. He has always been willing to play all comers and rotate as often as they want. A great player, a good sport and a good bloke too - but don't tell him I said so. Shame about his B.O. though!

Within the first week I ran up across Dave, one of the site's finest players and another great guy. It was Dave who has probably taught me more about the finer points of 500 than any other. Two of Dave's lessons immediately spring to mind: "The best block steals your opponents bid" and "When your partner starts an NT run near the end of the game - sacrifice your higher cards of that suit so s/he can keep the lead and win the tricks".

In those early days there were many lovely folk who have drifted away but we spend many hours winning and loosing and taking the #$%^ out of each other. Patty Ducati, Boo, Guy and the rest of you - happy new year and I hope to play with you again sometime soon.

Moving to more recent times I have thoroughly enjoyed playing with and against Paddy (Pat), especially in those fierce two-handed battles when all the other members are either sleeping, working or walking (Hi Nancy). What would we do without each other and this site, darls? You have come a long way since you bid your first open misere and immediately led the Jack of Diamonds - LOLOLOL - do you remember?

It was brilliant last year to catch up and play face-to-face with Badger - one of nature's gentlemen. When Roy first started playing here he thought a 6 bid was daring, a 7 bid was almost impossible to get, and we all popped the champaign corks the night he finally bid 8! That night I also met Trinity, still the finest 500 player I have ever played, and Noff, another champ, who kindly hosted the night. I look forward to many more such nights when Linh and I finally return to Australia.

Top Partners

Adam4
Angie
Craig
Dave (Gus)
Lee
Rat
SSD
Thomo
Toby
Trinity
Wayne

Categories of Cheating

Collusion: Using MSN and other secret communication systems to table talk with other game players during play

Second Accounts: Buying another club account and using it to secretly to increase the rating of your main account.

ELO Transfer: Using another account to throw games to your main account.

Table Talk: Chatting during a game about the hand in play.

Table Talk: rude at best and cheating at worst

My favorite table talk (TT) from JG500 last week:

Daffy: PASS (sitting on 3 uncalled aces)
Member's Partner: Someone is lying
Member: Daff
Daffy: No TT pls
Member's Partner: Sorry
Member: That wasn't TT. I never TT! Don't you accuse...blah blah blah....

This particular member was asked to stay away from my rooms after 2 more episodes of this kind of table talk over the next two days. Interestingly, on most occasions his partners were complaining as much as I was.

Fortunately there are still many grown-ups on JG500 who continue to enjoy honest competitive play. Our room code of conduct is simple - no table talk at all about the hand in play, either in the room's chat window, or on MSN, or on the phone. We define table talk as ANY comments or discussion about the hand in play. Comments such as "Sorry p", "Arggggg" and "Umm" are just as much table talk as "I wanted misere". We also enjoy critiquing hands after they have finished. These post-mortems require robust egos and are often as interesting as the hands themselves. Members with frail self-esteem should think twice before playing with us. Whinging about losing is also considered poor form.

Table talking is RUDE at best and CHEATING at worst. I know many who don't agree, and I appreciate their staying away from my rooms. This site is big enough to avoid members you don't enjoy playing with.

My 500 Top 10

I play best with partners who use the same conventions that I use. Although the conventions below apply in most situations they won't apply to all. Remember, most hands are won or lost in the bidding round. Good partnerships win more games by working well together in the bidding round. Feel free to comment:

1. The Score dictates the bidding. Always look at the scoreline before starting your bidding. Always!! For example, if you are near the back door it is often best to call strength at 6. Also, if you don't wish to fight a game-winning misere or open it is usually prudent to undercall or pass and live to win another hand. Partners who know when to "close-down" the bidding are worth their weight in gold.
   
   
2. Call your aces and bird at 6 - sometimes call aces before the bird. Let your partner know your no-trumps strength but calling your off-suit aces at 6. This will provide your partnership with a strong foundation for successful 8 bids. If the scoreline tells you that the bidding will go high then call your bird after your ace so that you can get a feel of the table's strength. As long as your partner is still in the bidding your bird call at six must be honest. However, if your partner has passed, you can then use a six no-trumps call to set-up your misere call or block your opponents.
   
   
3. Call your strength at 7. There are times to pass and times to bid - the scoreline tells you what time it is. Too many partners pass when the partnership's back is to the wall. A good partner will call their meagre strength at 7 so the team can put up a fighting defense. If you don't have any aces but have a strong hand then call your strength straight up at 7. Going straight to 7 tells your partner your strength but that you have no aces.
   
   
4. Avoid using misere / open codes. Using 7 spades straight-up to signal your wish for misere or 9 spades to signal your wish for open may work well against inexperienced players but a good opposition will use these calls against you. If you can't beat an open and your opponent has called 9 spades straight up then don't pass but call open yourself before the opposition does or call your strength to your partner. Of course watch out - top players will try and bluff you into overcalling with a 9 spade push.
   
   
5. Call into your partner's hand. Try to understand and use your partner's calls. Think of your two hands as one. If you have bird and your partners change your strength from hearts to diamonds (for example) consider passing into their strength or upping their call. Then lead to their bauer before playing your bird.
   
   
6. Leave your partner on an ace call if necessary. In general it is best not to leave your partners on their ace calls as they do not indicate their strength. However, there are times, such as when you cannot defend against a game-winning misere call or when the ace call represents your weak strength, that it is prudent to leave your partners on their 6 calls.
   
   
7. Avoid negative scores especially on the first hand. Being underwater places your team in a very vulnerable position. A good opposition will exploit your negative posture with aggressive pushes and bluffs. It's often better to allow the opposition to win a small 7 bid than risk a negative score.
   
   
8. Block whenever necessary. You are always only two good calls from victory so stop your opponents from easy wins by utilising blocking calls. The best block often steals your opponents call.
   
   
9. Make friends with the PASS button. Compulsive bidding is a disease - cure it! You will win as many games letting your opponents back door themselves as you will by bidding yourself through the front door. Compulsive bidders more often than not feed their opponents the misere or open calls they have been angling for.
   
   
10. Every bid should convey some information. Avoid guesses and hunch calls. Try always to tell your partner something every time you bid. If you know your partner will be forced to call open then call your low cards at 9, if you know your partner will be forced to a difficult 9 or 10 call then call your aces (or even your kings) at 8 and 9.
    

When I started playing at Julianne Giffin I just called the strength in my hand immediately at 6 and tried to get to misere and open whenever possible. I was a classic misere junkie and for well over a year I yo-yoed up and down the rankings and my win/loss percentage was in the low to middle 40s.

After a while I started to realise that most of the top players were calling differently. They represented only a small percentage of the members but they were always to be found in the top ten or twenty. They were using a variation on the system published by Bryce Francis. They called their aces at 6 and then their strength at 7. They used a 7 spades bid to indicate either their wish for misere or to indicate that they had no particular strength.

I started using this system and my game immediately improved. When I first achieved #1, with my tongue in my cheek I published “The Lord Daff’s 10 Commandments” on the forum and refused to partner players unless they used the system. Within two months most of the membership was following my stolen commandments and the top ranks became much more competitive.

I kept using this system for about year but gradually became dissatisfied with it for several reasons. The main problem was the confusion trying to understand what a 7 spade call actually meant. Did it mean “I want misere, partner, or “I’m just calling you of your 6 call, partner,” or did it actually mean “My strength is spades, partner.” I got tired of typing, “Sorry, partner, I wanted misere!” Too many contracts were going south because of this confusion.

In the past eighteen months my personal calling conventions have evolved from this system to what Gus calls, “Call your hand, partner.” It’s still evolving, but my game and my rankings have improved significantly since I started using it. I am not saying this system is any better than any other – but it is the system that is working best for me.

Musandam Trip

Can it get any better than this? Here I am taking it easy in the beautiful waters of Khor Habilayn in Oman's Musandam Peninsula.

The Musandam, at the North-eastern tip of the Arabian Peninsula, overlooks the Straits of Hormuz. It is bordered to the west by the Arabian Gulf and to the East and South East by the Gulf of Oman and the Indian Ocean. Known as the "Norway" of Arabia, the Musandam Peninsula is separated from the rest of Oman by various of the United Arab Emirates - Ras al Khaimah and Fujairah.

Musandam more or less begins where the mountains rise from the plains of Ras al Khaimah. The beautiful Musandam Peninsula is without doubt the most dramatic of all mountainous locations in the Gulf and a difficult region to reach other than by sea. This little known and untouched area is a haven for birds and offers some stunning scenery in its fjord-like inlets.